2018 – Year of Change
Here we are, and it’s nearly Christmas. I remember standing by our Christmas tree last year with my baby bump and saying to Robin “I cannot believe this time next year we’ll have a nearly one year old next to our tree” – and now it’s here and we have Scout and we couldn’t even have imagined last year who she would be and yet, I barely remember our lives without her!
It’s been such a huge year for us – Scout arrived in January, we finally moved into our new home after the most stressful selling & buying process, Oscar turned 3 in August and started at his new nursery, we got engaged in October and now we’re preparing to host our first proper family Christmas in our home as a family of four. At times it’s felt chaotic and completely overwhelming, but it’s also been one of the best and happiest yet.
This Christmas also marks the last few weeks of my maternity leave. When we had Oscar I decided to go back to work when he was 9 months old, but I did find it hard, especially at first and I always said that if we had another, I would like to take a full year. But man, that year goes fast and it’s been a lot more tiring with a toddler than that relaxed pace of life with your first born. I finished up work on 23rd December 2017 to start back at work on 3rd January 2019… Except, I’m not. I’ve decided not to return to work and I have instead handed in my notice.
Not returning to my job wasn’t ever my plan. Maybe I’ve just been burying my head in the sand a bit, but it’s only been the last few weeks that we’ve really sat down and talked it through so it all still feels a bit scary and a mixed bag of emotions. Worries about independence but also acknowledgment that financially, it wasn’t going to work. Wondering how easy it will be to get back into the working world a few years down the line weighed up against the quality time I’ll get to spend with the kids… but also the genuine fear that I’ll not be cut out for it.
Looking back to last time, I felt genuinely lucky to be able to return to work after my maternity leave with Oscar – for a lot of people, the financial implications of full time childcare is too much to justify, but we were in a really good position with Robin’s shift work to save money on childcare. This change will obviously mean me spending more time at home and although I feel incredibly lucky to have that opportunity, it’s still a little daunting… Of course, I adore spending time with my kids, however I don’t always love it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week – it can be tiring, overwhelming, demanding, repetitive and at time, just a bit boring. I think it’s ok to admit that, I reckon I can’t be the only one that feels this!?
When I returned to work after having Oscar, a huge bug bear of mine was people saying that work was a “break”. Now, I get where they were coming from but ultimately the pressures of work were also great and during that time away I didn’t relinquish my parental responsibility – my idea of a “break” is going out with the girls for dinner, not bashing out spreadsheets, but yeah, the relative peace and quiet and different company was a welcomed relief – what if I struggle without that now?
2019 – Year of Adjustment
I’ve been thinking about wee things I can do to ease the adjustment. I’m going to use the time to really think about what I want to do in the future. I mean, this isn’t retirement, is it? So I need to to think about what I’m wanting to do when I do return to work whether it be to develop my skills and remain in my current industry, go back to uni (that’s a scary thought) or something different altogether. Right now, I have no idea, but that’s ok. I’ve got time.
I’m going to take this opportunity to work on something for me – whether that be ploughing some more time into photography as a hobby or just dedicating some more hours to this little corner of the internet – my blog. I always think it’s important to have something to call your own and an interest outside the daily routine.
And I know this one might sound a bit silly, but I want to put time into developing some more friendships! It’s easy as an adult to sort of step back from that because you have your group of friends… I know I do, and they’re wonderful. I genuinely believe the older you get the harder it is to make new pals! But I have so many wonderful “internet friends” – now some of them I might never meet, but there’s a fair few that live close by – so I mean, what’s my excuse?! So ya know, if you live in a 40 mile radius of me – watch out…
All in all, 2018 has been a year of huge change but without a doubt, one of the best years yet and maybe the next will be the year of massive adjustment! It’s a bit early for resolutions, but I’m coming for ya 2019.