A little update
Well, it’s safe to say 20 weeks has flown by. I planned on doing an update long before now, but life with a toddler seems to always get in the way, so then I thought I’d just wait until our 20 week scan to make sure everything was alright. I’m not an anxious person at all, but even I couldn’t help but have that wee niggle at the back of my mind on the way to the hospital, wondering if everything would be okay. I am relieved to say everything was fine.
The four and a bit months that we’ve known about Oscar’s new baby brother or sister have gone so quickly, and felt like days in comparison to the months that we were “not trying, trying” to conceive. Our journey was by no means a long one at just over 10 months, but what a different experience it was in comparison to our previous surprise! You can’t help but feel that little hint of pressure as you record your cycle on your dedicated app but tell yourself that’s as far as you’ll go because you won’t become hung up on it – after all, stressing about it won’t help. Anything around a year is totally normal. I mean, it’s such a small window of opportunity every month, it’s crazy when you think about it. It’ll happen… Now, all these things, are things that you routinely tell other people and you wholeheartedly believe it to be sound advice, but when you’re trying to reassure yourself, it’s a different story… and after a few months I even succumbed to ovulation tests, “just to check!”.
Then mid-May rolled round and a lingering cough and cold I couldn’t shift and I knew. It was exactly how I found out I was pregnant with Oscar (basically thought I was low-key dying). This was all in perfect time for our family holiday to Italy…! The dream of all the Italian wine quickly went out the window, and in the window came the morning sickness! YAY!
Somehow we’re now at 20 weeks – my sickness has subsided for the most part, except the occasional day when it comes back with a vengeance to bite me on the arse, and overall the whole experience has been really different. I loved being pregnant with Oscar (despite being sick for the full 39 weeks + getting kidney stones) and I feel guilty that I don’t feel the same this time. It’s not that I’m not enjoying it – I’m just too busy to even think about it… or too shattered! Now that I’m starting to feel some movement I’m sure that’ll change and I’ll remember occasionally that there’s a baby!
At the moment I still feel a bit guilty for Oscar. He’s the centre of our world and I feel bad that we’ll be taking some of that attention away from him despite knowing that in the long term he won’t remember anything different and it’ll be such a positive step for our little family.
I worry about what life will be like with two, as things won’t be the same with this baby as they were with Oscar. We won’t have those first few days, weeks and months that were just so chilled out and full of visits, daytime naps and TV box sets! I know it’ll be harder, and it’s scary, but it is also exciting… I just feel so worried that Oscar will feel left out.
Regardless, I think these things must creep into every second/third/fourth time Mum’s head at some point (or at least I hope so) and I’m trying to reassure myself that things will slot into place and we’ll find our new norm!
However, for now I’m sitting back, taking it slowly and savouring the first flutters and movements as well as considering my birth options of another elective c-section vs a VBAC, and thinking about all the wonderful things I could do with my placenta – I’ll be back with an update on these soon!
The Edinburgh Mum